Skip to main content

Solitary

Writing for the most part is said to be a solitary occupation.

In my case and many others I have found this to be true. I find i am not one to surround myself with people, and crave the seclusion. Infact, most of my occupations I have worked by myself with little or no interaction with others. When I do mingle with friends and family I find often I feel drained, left with no energy.

Being human, I have cycles where I crave to be around others. Unfortunately, being shy I do not have a circle of friends at my ready. The friendships I have been able to gather are long term relationships but sadly they live in other states or countries. It's these times I find that I spiral into a depression.

The longing for kinship is overwhelming. The simple pleasure of meeting with my peers to simply enjoy a cup of coffee and exchange banter is often taken for granted by most, but for me it is an impossiblity. During these times I have to force myself to stay focused. I do have have immediate family nearby, that act like a bandaide affect. If there schedules and mine permit to gather together sharing an even closer intimacy. Though my sisters are also my friends, we can never truly fullfill that longing for companionships.

This past month, I find the aloneness unbearable. I have found I have put my writing aside as I have been finding little joy in my attempts at my stories. I find days where I simply feel as if I can not breathe and though the simple act of getting out of my home to meet people close to me throws me into a panic.

I am hoping this cycle of need will fade soon. In the mean time, I pace the floors, sleep too much, and some nights... Some nights when I am feeling exceptionally lonly and frustrated I actually cry.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Finding My Heart

The years that I did not write were painful. For as a writer I found my desire not to be of my choosing but something I has been born to do. Just like air I needed to fill my lungs, stories clamored to be told. When I decided to finally give in to my torments and dabble once again at writing I had hoped to return to writing on two novels that I had begun in my youth. Each Time I tried to write on either novel, clumsily trying to define my plots, my subplots, and breath live into the characters I continually failed. Between these failures I wrote brief scenes for my on line writing classes, some decent while others should have been trashed before I even let my fellow writers read them. Of all the writings that were deemed decent by my "critters" they all said something appeared missing from writing. My heart. Purposely in those first few months I intentionally left out the "heart" and "soul" of my writing abilities. I left it out for many reasons. One...
1 comment
Read more

Beginnings

I have started this to record my journey of returning to writing. I started to write as most children do with poetry. I remember well in first grade when most children were writing poems for there mom's on mothers day, they always started out with "Roses are Red..." I did not do this. I can't quite recall exactly what words I used on that first mother days card, I just remember my refusal to start a card that way, instead using a different format that impressed my teacher. I remember that year and consecutive years until I reached junior high my parents always received a letter from the instructor and principal of my school outlining my writing talent and encouraging my parents to encourage my talent. As time continued on I wrote my poems.. The first poem I remember writing had been during the winter of my fourth grade year. Winter is ugly and mean It locks children in their grave And they cry very long For a beautiful song That's why we...
Post a Comment
Read more

Journey of Shyness and Social Phobia

I suffer from shyness to the point it has left me isolated. According to a variety of information I have read my shyness is borderline social phobia. I have always been shy; however, it has escalated over the years. Earlier on in my life I was able to “functional” in social situations. I did this by simply “acting” a part, the person I thought I should be in any given situation. Sadly, it came a time when this no longer served me and I simply withdrew. My shyness, as I have discovered, has lead to a multiple problems. I am unable to correctly read body language or respond with correct body language myself. It has been pointed out to me the non-verbal clues I give out is one of being unapproachable. Though in reality, I am just scared hoping no one will see it. As for small talk, I find myself unable to think of anything semi-intelligent to say after the basic “hello”. Of course, again, the clue is given I am not interested in conversing. Far from the truth for my thoughts keep me from ...
Post a Comment
Read more